


doubting days

by orphan_account



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Best Friends, Graduation, Light Angst, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-12
Updated: 2020-05-12
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:27:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24139603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: All that’s left between now and forever is the summer.
Relationships: Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Yoon Jeonghan
Comments: 2
Kudos: 21





	doubting days

**Author's Note:**

> in which writer projects her anxities about graduating high school and moving on to the big bad scary real world onto her kpop boys

_ Could I die without telling him? _

“You’re being so dramatic,” Seungkwan drawls, straw stirring what’s left of his milkshake. “We’re not dying. We’re  _ graduating _ .”

“I know!” Seokmin says, defensive in the way he often is. “But we all know it’s gonna be different.”

The group is quiet around what’s left of their dinner on the table before them. It will be, after all. Before long there will be no more midnight dinners or aimless drives or three AM smoke sessions in Jihoon’s backyard. There will be the future.

“I mean, sure,” Seungkwan levels. “But the way you talk about this ‘bucket list’ of yours literally makes it sound as if we’re all dropping dead at the end of the summer. You do know what the ‘bucket’ refers to, right?”

Seokmin huffs, and like clockwork he and Seungkwan fall into their regular back-and-forth. Jihoon’s already buried himself in his phone, tuning them out, as Jeonghan looks over at Joshua.

“At least we know one thing will always stay the same,” Jeonghan chuckles, nodding his head towards Seungkwan and Seokmin’s bickering. Joshua laughs.

_ Could I graduate without telling him? _

The thought dances across his mind, eyes focused on the ceiling of his dark bedroom.

He might just sink into the mattress. He might just let the navy sheets swallow him whole, so he can drown in the ocean of comfort and familiarity. That would be an easier end than what’s to come. An easier end than saying goodbye.

When his eyes close, begging for sleep, it’s the turn of Jeonghan’s head and the pitch of his laugh and the way his fingers drum the table when he’s frustrated, or bored, or got a song stuck in his head, that keep Joshua awake.

_ Could I graduate without him? _

“Joshua!”

The voice is grainy through the phone, but it’s indubitably Jeonghan’s. Joshua, alone in his car, hears the way Jeonghan’s voice overflows with excitement. He can see the grin plastered across his face, and the hand ruffling through his hair like it does when his mind is racing. Alone in his car, he can feel the quivering of jeonghan’s hand, excitement running through him. Before he says it, Joshua knows.

“I got in. I got in.”

Tears are brimming Joshua’s eyes, and he’s happy. He’s happier than when he learned of his own acceptance to his own university.

He’s happy for Jeonghan, even though this is just one more thing pushing them farther apart when the summer ends.

He tries not to think about it as he cries with his best friend about their dreams coming true.

_ Could I be with him? _

If his head aches, Joshua has no idea. He’s three too many shots deep and his blood is pumping pure adrenaline, jumping, dancing, singing, and screaming on the dance floor. There’s a catharsis in the way he and 300 classmates of his yell out the lyrics to a song from years past, an anthem of their youth, arms flailing and sweat dripping in unbridled joy and chaos. Surrounded by the four people who know him best in the world, Joshua is happy.

Jeonghan grabs his hand, and their gazes meet. At first joshua’s heart stops when he sees him saying something, saying  _ that  _ something, before he realizes Jeonghan is still just singing along to the song pounding in everyone’s ears and filling the air around them. His heart starts again, calmer this time, even as Jeonghan takes Joshua’s other hand in his and leads him in a dance.

Later that night, stumbling around in the parking lot, together they yell and scream and sing the words to a song long over. Jeonghan’s still tugging Joshua along. Still, they’re laughing. Still, his head is spinning. Still, the ghost of “I love you” on Jeonghan’s lips replays in Joshua’s mind. 

Under a million stars in the sky, Joshua is as free as he’s ever been. Still, Jeonghan’s hand is in his.

_ Could I be without him? _

_ No. And I won’t. _

**Author's Note:**

> this might become something more one day but this was more of a therapy for myself than anything lmao
> 
> thank u for reading <3!


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